此刻 – Page 23 – 每天都是一种练习

Hi My dear girls:

How are you ?
I’m sitting in the sunset and writing you email during my classes. Yes,as I told you before that I can teach online class at home now,which is great because sometimes we have no show then I can do whatever I want in this 45 minutes. I usually do some yoga or read some books.But I still go to the office twice a week to say hi to colleagues. I’ve been working for this company for more than one month and I would say I feel comfortable with it now. It’s true that things don’t go as you plan.I thought of teaching IELTES ,Chinese and teaching in a school but I never expect being an online teacher and work at home. But there’s a condition that I have to work till 11p.m,which is ok if you are used to it.So this is the best part of the job. The bad thing is it just rely too much on the Internet.There are virous types of the technical problems so you really have to spend time to help the students solve it and some other students complain about time wasted because it’s a group lesson.It’s difficult to make the balance. I really hope that people can be more understanding.Students are asked to score the class according to teacher’s performance. You know at the beginning I was quite confident to get the high score. But I overestimated myself. My average score is just a bit higher the passing line to get the bonus.To be honest I was disappointed at first.I realized that It’s difficult to build the rapport with the students by teaching online because the students are different every time. Then I started to adjust the teaching approach and try to satisfy them using the way they like.I think this is a road to practice for me and it helps to polish a more patient and modest me. Although, I’m often frustrated when speechless moments happen.

So， that’s my job.

Talking about life……

I spend a lot time reading books and watching movies.I actually really enjoy being alone but sometimes I’m thinking if I miss the social life.You see, I see my new colleagues twice a week and even if I go to the office,we still spend the whole day teaching and have little to talk to each other. My friends, when I’m working they are resting and when I’m resting they are working. Sometimes we have chance to share each other’s life but I feel we are far from each other you know. When they are talking about their husband and babies,when they keep posting the photo of the food they eat everyday,when they are talking about the housing and car loan……sometimes I pretend I’ m also interested and involved but actually I’m not. To be honest I can’t imagine myself living with a man! Boyfriend is ok but I’m always not lucky in this part you know.

I was asked if I want to go back to Chiangmai and I said no. I don’t miss the city but I really miss the time we shared together.People come people go and life continues. I wish you the best of the best:)

Write me more about your life ok?

往年的国庆总是和请假换班时刻关注机票价格联系在一起，去年的时候是在清迈上班，不过过了国庆到正好是那里的休假也去南部海边玩了一圈。而今年的国庆就休了三天，其余时间按照自己的班表要上班。

国庆第一天，和Sevon,豆豆站了半个小时高铁去嘉兴的圆通古寺，Gillian今天皈依。她跟我说，之前我对她说你迟早会诡异的这句话时，她虽然没有口头反对，可是心里是不以为然的。想想也是，如果一年前有人说我以后也会信佛，我大概也是一样的反应吧。我看她在寺庙里活奔乱跳自由自在的样子时不免想起我刚刚上山的时候，身体和心里都承受着不适应。见了她的师父新愿大法师，名字和我的还挺像呵呵。法师一点没有架子，坚持给我们倒茶，他的的教法很入世，一针见血点出我现在在佛学的森林里迷路了走不出来了，并没有真的将佛法应用在生活里，并赐我几个字，心登云端，身在红尘，无我善行，尽力角色。一个多小时的时间里，我们聊有为法和无为法，聊出世的心和该尽的责任，起身前师父说把你说笑了我的任务也就完成了。他说你现在的笑容和之前的不一样了，呵呵，这个我自己到没感觉，但是那天晚上在寺庙的斋饭却胃口出奇的好，要知道我的胃口和体重在回到上海的这一个多月里是一天比一天低。以为自己还算适应回来后的生活，其实那颗心早被各种无明和欲望染着地厉害，而胃口不过是外在表现而已。不过这次从圆通寺回来后到是感觉身心清净不少，好似走出迷雾森林来到了广阔的草原一般的感觉。我知道自己是一个很容易退转的人，还好身边有这些坚信的小伙伴，我想这也是上天的安排吧。

第二天，早上妈妈出门前帮我买了兹饭团怕我起床后已经冷掉就放在了毛衣里保暖。下午带了妈妈阿姨奶奶和妹妹去影院看亲爱的，眼泪从头流到尾。如果是以前看这部电影也许我也会把百分之百的同情不遗余力地全部给了失去孩子的那些可怜家长。然而现在的我却深深感到影片里的每一个人都活的那么不容易，而这份不容易，多多少少来自于人类本性中的自私，他们口口声声地为孩子好，在我看来有很大一部分只是为了满足自己占有的私欲。当郝蕾面对心理医生的开导时，她面无表情地说了一句，你的孩子走丢了么？对方便无言以对了。当我们在安慰一个人的时候，其实是很难做到真正的换位思考的，永远的隔靴搔痒，因为我们没有这份痛彻心扉的经历。所以别人说，要安慰一个人最好的方法，是把自己的伤口给他看，虽然有点残忍，但的确是最有效的手段。影片里这群失去孩子的爸爸妈妈们承受着巨大的痛苦的时候，亲朋好友却劝说他们再生一胎。这其实也合情合理，只是这样的提议对那样的境况下的他们来说是残忍的，因为那是对走失的孩子的背叛。于是这群得不到至亲的理解的人，抱起团来，在一起去农村寻找孩子的路上，一张张愁容惨淡的脸庞在互相打气鼓励下露出许久未见的笑容和希望。这陪伴和希望虽然不是长久和究竟的，却也好似一根火柴，短暂地照亮了彼此暗无边际的心灵，有时候，我们不需要所谓的亲人和朋友，我们需要的是一个同类。看完电影，大家一起去步行街人挤人，和家人在一起的时光，简单踏实。晚上送奶奶回家和妹妹一起在马路上乘乘风良。这是我我从小长大的地方，那么多年过去了，这里的人还是过着倒马桶倒痰盂的生活，不过对面巷子里的烟纸店已经没了，小时候我们每天放学都去那里买几毛钱的小零食，抽几毛钱的奖，吹水晶泡泡，妹妹还记得我们会往泡泡里吐一口口水吹水泡泡。奶奶今天很开心，我一直说回来后要常来看看她却总是犯懒，而在这个下午，她如花一样的笑容，对于此刻的我来说比世界上任何一个角落的风景都要更优美动人，朋友圈里看着大家晒的美食美景的照片，一点向往之心都没有。我从来都不是个特别孝顺的孩子，但愿现在开始还不算太晚。