杂记

爸爸妈妈去广州玩几天,又回到了一个人的日子。秋冬的日光是心头大好,让一切沉淀下来。清晨瑜伽,阅读,拍拍花花草草。自私地希望他们在广州多玩几天呢。

妈妈走之前再三关照我给植物浇水,我刚刚给覆满灰尘的叶子浇了水,沾着水珠的绿叶盈绿盈绿的,在日光下闪闪发亮。房间的另一个角落里,鱼儿在昏暗的鱼缸里不知道在想什么,我想给他们喂点鱼饵,不过好像那个鱼饵不是很好了怕他们吃坏肚子,于是我就在要不要喂的纠结下看着他们饿肚子,我一直是不喜欢这个大大的笨重的鱼缸的,爸爸只知道买来玩,偶尔心血来潮换一次水,我挺可怜里面的鱼儿的,有几条好像的了抑郁症,总是躲在水管后面一动不动。我现在相信万物有灵,情绪和能量都是会通过空气传播的,他们其实知道我并不怎么待见他们吧,昨天我靠近鱼缸,把脸贴的很近很近,他们竟都像我游来,好像在细细地打量我,他们的嘴巴上下闭合说了什么我听不懂的话。

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关于工作的碎碎念

Hi My dear girls:

How are you ?
I’m sitting in the sunset and writing you email during my classes. Yes,as I told you before that I can teach online class at home now,which is great because sometimes we have no show then I can do whatever I want in this 45 minutes. I usually do some yoga or read some books.But I still go to the office twice a week to say hi to colleagues. I’ve been working for this company for more than one month and I would say I feel comfortable with it now. It’s true that things don’t go as you plan.I thought of teaching IELTES ,Chinese and teaching in a school but I never expect being an online teacher and work at home. But there’s a condition that I have to work till 11p.m,which is ok if you are used to it.So this is the best part of the job. The bad thing is it just rely too much on the Internet.There are virous types of the technical problems so you really have to spend time to help the students solve it and some other students complain about time wasted because it’s a group lesson.It’s difficult to make the balance. I really hope that people can be more understanding.Students are asked to score the class according to teacher’s performance. You know at the beginning I was quite confident to get the high score. But I overestimated myself. My average score is just a bit higher the passing line to get the bonus.To be honest I was disappointed at first.I realized that It’s difficult to build the rapport with the students by teaching online because the students are different every time. Then I started to adjust the teaching approach and try to satisfy them using the way they like.I think this is a road to practice for me and it helps to polish a more patient and modest me. Although, I’m often frustrated when speechless moments happen.

So, that’s my job.

Talking about life……

I spend a lot time reading books and watching movies.I actually really enjoy being alone but sometimes I’m thinking if I miss the social life.You see, I see my new colleagues twice a week and even if I go to the office,we still spend the whole day teaching and have little to talk to each other. My friends, when I’m working they are resting and when I’m resting they are working. Sometimes we have chance to share each other’s life but I feel we are far from each other you know. When they are talking about their husband and babies,when they keep posting the photo of the food they eat everyday,when they are talking about the housing and car loan……sometimes I pretend I’ m also interested and involved but actually I’m not. To be honest I can’t imagine myself living with a man! Boyfriend is ok but I’m always not lucky in this part you know.

I was asked if I want to go back to Chiangmai and I said no. I don’t miss the city but I really miss the time we shared together.People come people go and life continues. I wish you the best of the best:)

Write me more about your life ok?

蒋勋讲座

上海入秋了,在这最美的季节里,能走在铺满午后暖暖阳光的小街上,听蒋先生用他富有磁性的声音跟我娓娓道来大观园里的人生百态,印象中一直高大上的名著在他的解读下变得那么亲切。通勤也变成一件很享受的事。而我没想过这朝夕陪伴的声音的主人,昨天就站在了我面前。于是,我就像流川疯的拉拉队员般犯了两个小时的花痴。接近暮年的蒋先生微卷的头发花白,穿一身素色休闲装,肩上搭着一件红色的毛衣,使整个人提色不少。他就坐在我前面一排,当我拿书上前去找他签名时,他正好栖身要去台上调试话筒,他用那熟悉的声音对我说,不好意思等一下好吗?我点头如蒜捣。调试话筒时说说了几句test便告诉工作人员要高两个音,不愧是学过声乐的。等他再度入座,正在我犹豫之间gillian让我把书给她,她就坐在他后面,旁边又有兔子和亨哥这两位台湾友人,占尽天时地利人和,于是我顺利地拿到第一签,接下去男男女女都一拥而上,把蒋先生团团包住。每每签完都会双手合十以示感谢。完了便调息静坐准备演讲。此时我前面的一个女孩儿激动地说这是蒋勋握过的笔哦,我后面的一幅商务人士打扮的男人对他的同伴说,我就是从听红楼梦开始认识他的,今天有幸一见,真是激动万分,听罢,我和豆豆相视而笑,原来满场都是花痴啊。

今天演讲的题目是「孤独六讲」,有同名的书,还没看过。伦理孤独,情欲孤独,革命孤独,暴力孤独,语言孤独,还有一个暂时想不起来,我完全沉浸其中没有记笔记和拍照的时间。反正到时候会买书来看。依然是恰到好处的幽默,克制却引人深思的悲天悯人。不过没有红楼那样啰嗦呵呵。讲座结束后有人提问在信息技术泛滥的今天老师怎么看待人与人之间的关系,他说到,最近我用了iPhone 6,但是我觉得它比不上一个温暖的拥抱。两个问题被迅速秒走,我的问题藏在了心底:如果可以选择,你是会想要脱离六道轮回,还是再到这充满七情六欲悲欢离合的人世间再走一遭呢?其实也不用问了吧,答案都在他的诗里了

《愿》

我愿是满山的杜鹃
只为一次无憾的春天
我愿是繁星
舍给一个夏天的夜晚
我愿是千万条江河
流向唯一的海洋
我愿是那月
为你 再一次的圆满

如果你是岛屿
我愿是环抱你的海洋
如果你张起了船帆
我便是轻轻吹拂的风浪
如果你远行
我愿是那路
准备了平坦
随你去到远方
当你走累了
我愿是夜晚
是路旁的客栈
有乾净的枕席
供你睡眠

眠中有梦
我就是你枕上的泪痕

我愿是手臂
让你依靠
虽然白发苍苍
我仍愿是你脚边的炉火
与你共话回忆的老年
你是笑
我是应和你的歌声
你是泪
我是陪你的星光

当你埋葬土中
我愿是依伴你的青草
你成灰,我便成尘
如果啊,如果——
如果你对此生还有眷恋
我就再许一个愿——
与你结来世的因缘

是写给林先生的么?我不知道。我只知道,整本「吴哥之美」都是蒋先生写给他的信,他在书中一遍又一遍地唤着,Ming…过去这个地方之于我就是那个印在无数名信片上的日出,千篇一律,人头攒动,长枪短炮。人真是很无知的动物,不是随波逐流人云亦云,就是因为我慢而无端端地生出偏见。不过现在,他说,高棉的微笑,是一部「金刚经」,因为微笑,文明不会消失。我相信除了万物之间都有缘分,人与人,人与地方。我和吴哥之间的缘分姗姗来迟了。

结束后又有众人前去索要签名,但是先生一一双手合十婉拒了,他动过大手术,身体里还装着支架,身体并不太好,我是何其有幸,能与朋友们共同分享了这么美妙的一个夜晚。

_______________________________________________________________

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众人在中欧留影

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签我的书。大家说我很有心机,带了书前来,虽然现场也有售书,不过并没有这本「吴哥之美」,老师还在讲座中提到有读者叫我签,说的就是我哈,让我再花痴一下。

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讲座中就拍了这一张。

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